The Stranger

All of the Seattle Kraken and Why You Should Love Them

Brittney Bush Bollay — Tue, 08 Oct 2024 10:45:00 -0700

Here’s what you need to know to join the squid squad. by Brittney Bush Bollay The Tip of the Iceberg

There’s a buzz around the Seattle Kraken as they prepare for their fourth season of play. After regressing from their strong 2022-23 season and playoff run, the franchise made a bold change at the end of the winter, firing head coach Dave Hakstol. Replacing him is former Coachella Valley Firebirds and Pittsburgh Penguins coach Dan Bylsma and his staff, including glass ceiling-breaker assistant coach Jessica Campbell. Add in growing young prospects, exciting free agent additions, and a brand new broadcast TV deal, and you’ve got the recipe for one exciting Kraken season. Have they got their tentacles around you? Do you feel yourself being sucked in? Here’s what you need to know to join the squid squad.

Captains of the Ship Head Coach Dan Bylsma

Earned his cred with the Kraken organization coaching their AHL affiliate, the Firebirds, to back-to-back championship appearances and developing young players who have performed well since jumping to the NHL
Coached the 2008-09 Pittsburgh Penguins (my favorite hockey team of all time) to a Stanley Cup victory only four months after taking over the job. This time around, he’s got a full season to work with
Nicknamed “Disco” SUPPOSEDLY by his hockey teammates, I instead choose to believe the moniker was handed to him by Lady Gaga herself

Assistant Coach Jessica Campbell

Hired by Bylsma to be his assistant coach in Coachella, then came to Seattle with him when he was hired in July
The first woman EVER to coach behind the bench in the NHL
Her Twitter name is “boof_campbell” from a nickname given to her by her brother, who inspired her hockey career
Widely regarded as one of the best skaters in the world, regardless of gender
Ponytail GOALS

Kraken Assistant Coach Jessica Campbell has made history (and has a great ponytail). Steph Chambers/Getty Images Captain ???

As of writing, the Kraken are currently the only NHL team without a captain, having gone captainless since Mark Giordano was traded in March 2022
Rumors SWIRL like a snowstorm that a new captain will be announced before today’s season opener
Though a popular Twitter movement long pushed for the C to be awarded to Yanni Gourde, current speculation points to veteran Jordan Eberle
Other names floating include Adam Larsson, Jared McCann, and Matty Beniers

Meet the Players Matty Beniers

Our golden boy, our first draft pick, our rookie goal leader, our former theatre kid
Kiddo just signed a big grown-up contract to the tune of seven years and $50 million
A Michigan alum, was recently seen wearing a UW hockey sweater at practice after the Huskies’ football victory. Obviously he lost a bet, but it turns out the bet was with a UW hockey player himself.
What band did Matty go to Boston Calling to see? My guess is Hozier.

André Burakovsky

Underappreciated on his old teams despite winning two Stanley Cups, he came here to be good at two things: smirking and scoring goals (and he’s nailing both)
The eyebrows are pretty great, too, honestly
Hampered by injuries the past two seasons and very excited to be back and at full strength. Look for him to play with verve and joy.

Oliver Bjorkstrand

Dresses like a tax accountant, so maybe that’s the job he really wants?
Fourth-most goals by a Danish player in NHL history (could move to third this year)
Probably has the best smile on the Kraken, though I’d love to see them battle it out
Former Portland Winterhawk, but we’ll forgive him

Eeli Tolvanen

This man was drafted directly from a Wes Anderson movie, and you can’t tell me otherwise
Trivia fact: scored the Kraken’s first-ever playoff goal
Another trivia fact: has excellent hair
His name isn’t actually pronounced “Eel-y” but everyone posts eel gifs on Twitter when he scores

Brandon Tanev

You’ve seen this guy. He’s the one with the ghost face.
Wildly popular with the fans for his fast, physical play style and his excellent flow
32 but still gets the zoomies
Once made out with his best friend Adam Lowry in a food delivery commercial
Okay, maybe “made out” was overselling it a little. You still wanna watch.
Was named to the 2022 Macedonian Diaspora “40 Under 40” list

Adam Larsson

Nicknamed “Big Cat” because he’s big and literally a cat
*listening on hidden earbud* Wait, hold on, I’m getting word that last part may not actually be true
Has only one missed one Kraken game literally ever, and that was for the birth of his kid, so I guess that’s pretty fair
An image of his iconic bowl cut adorns bootleg T-shirts and stickers on lampposts throughout Seattle
News of his recent four-year contract extension was broken on Twitter by bestie Vince Dunn, who simply tweeted: “😼😼😼😼”

Jamie Oleksiak

Better known as most-decorated-Canadian-Olympian Penny Oleksiak’s big brother
Nicknamed “Big Rig”
And I do mean big, our man is 6’7”
Sometimes when players try to hit him, they just bounce, and that’s pretty funny
Check out his beautiful tattoos

Will Borgen

6’3” and ostensibly 27 years old, but I’d double check his ID if I were you
His dad is named Bill Borgen, which is adorable
They let him take care of Matty Beniers for some reason?
He’s a good billboard

Jared McCann

Known as “The Pastor” on Twitter
I actually have no idea if he’s really a pastor or not, but it fits somehow
His corgi Cheddar has its own Instagram account
When he walks in all in black with that big hat on whewwwww dang 🔥

Vince Dunn

Sweet face, no thoughts in head
Most likely to be confused by the mini-mic question
Also one of the most likely to score goals and assists and stuff, so that’s cool
Likes to start trouble and then skate away and let someone else finish it

Jordan Eberle

Tooth gap > thigh gap
90% quietly competent, 10% SportsCenter-Top-Ten goals
Likes Nickelback a little too much

Yanni Gourde

Number one chaos gremlin
Five feet nine inches of curly hair and mischief
You’ve never had as much fun as he does when he’s fighting
Met his wife in middle school math class
At home, he transforms into furniture-building Super Dad

Philipp Grubauer

Nicknamed “The German Gentleman,” and it fits both his dress and his demeanor
They’re not booing, they’re Gruuuuing
Formerly a Rockies fan, he’s been converted and is now known to hang out in the Pen during Mariners games
Wants to be a cowboy when he grows up

Tye Kartye

Went from being undrafted to being the AHL Rookie of the Year
Also only the eighth player in history to score a playoff goal in his NHL debut
Full heart, strong legs, can’t lose
When he does score it’s a “Kartye Party”
😋

Jaden Schwartz

Look man, I am so sorry Jaden Schwartz, but this is the one guy I always forget about.

Chandler Stephenson

Signed a long-term contract in Seattle in part because of his friendships with Jaden Schwartz and André Burakovsky
It is important to me you know he has a floppy-eared black Lab named Finley
Yes, of course I am going to show you a picture of Finley
Has held the Stanley Cup twice, so he must be like, SUPER strong

Josh Mahura

Has two photos on his Instagram. TWO. I will shame you into posting more, Josh Mahura.

Shane Wright

2022’s expected number-one draft pick who was somehow still available when the Kraken picked him at #4
"I'm gonna have a chip on my shoulder from this”
Team Canada captain for 2023 World Juniors
Opening the season with the big club this year—look for him to try to prove himself and hold his spot
Hopefully that includes lots more eye-popping goals like this

Ryker Evans

First of all, we call him Garth
He spent his teenage years playing in a league called “SMAAAHL”
Along with Tye Kartye, modeled the Firebirds Pride jerseys last year on Instagram
SMAAAAAAAHL
I think he looks like Chloë Sevigny, don’t you?

Brandon Montour put his baby in the Stanley Cup. BILLIE WINTER Brandon Montour

New this year, but signed for seven
Won the Stanley Cup with the Florida Panthers in 2024
BABY IN THE CUP BABY IN THE CUP
Of Mohawk descent and raised on the Six Nations of the Grand River reserve

Joey Daccord

Impressed the world at last year’s Winter Classic, posting the event’s first-ever shutout
Wandered off the ice directly to an interview with some guy named Wayne Gretzky
Did it all wearing an amazing Mariners baseball card-themed mask
The Kraken’s official F1 correspondent
Also Licensed to Boat

Buoy

The Kraken’s gender-ambiguous mascot who is both a literal and a figurative troll
Why does their hair smell so good?
Wanders the arena with a drum and an appetite for trouble
Seriously, watch out for mischief
Don’t look now, but they’re probably right behind you

How to Get Kraken Now's your chance to give tentacles or a tricorn a go. Billie Winter

This season Kraken games will be broadcast free on KONG and KING5, but if you’re able, hockey is really best experienced in person. The speed, the power, and the relentless pace are difficult to convey on television. Here’s your gameday guide to Climate Pledge Arena.

Before the game

Every Kraken ticket comes with a free transit pass, accessed through the Kraken app, that’s valid two hours before and after the game. Parking is expensive and postgame traffic is gnarly. Walk, bike, or transit if you can.
The Kraken host pregame activities in the Seattle Center Armory on Saturdays and Sundays, including things like face painting, sign making, and photo ops. Food here is cheaper than in the arena, but the lines are much longer.
If you get to the game early, you can watch warmups next to the glass. The Kraken come out to warm up about a half hour before game time, but arrive 10-15 minutes earlier than that if you want to get a good spot.

During the Game

The Kraken have a fun and elaborate preshow that you’ll want to be in your seat for, including beautiful video and an orchestral theme composed by Hans Zimmer himself.
Like several other local sports teams, the Kraken invite you to stand for the anthem if you’re “willing and able.” It’s unlikely you’ll get any flak if you don’t. The important part is that you yell “RED GLARE!” along with that lyric, a team-specific ritual that references the Kraken logo’s glowing red eye.
Not EVERYONE yells out player last names during goal announcements, a la Sounders games, but if it’s an ingrained habit you won’t be alone.
Lots of people like to dress up like pirates or cephalopods. LOTS of them. It’s pretty cool, actually. If you’ve ever wanted to give tentacles or a tricorn a go, now’s your chance.
There are tall nets at the goal ends and the glass is tall; you are almost certainly not going to be on the receiving end of a flying puck. But if you do, you get to keep it!
If you’re a person who uses the men’s bathroom, well—plan ahead.

Food & Drink

I’m going to be real: Beer is expensive. Food is expensive. But the lines are fast, the variety is pretty good, and the Kraken honor their arena name by sourcing food from within 300 miles of Climate Pledge. New options this year include soup dumplings from Dumpling House, Chili Crunch Yakisoba at Noodle Nirvana, and a roving ice cream cart selling a house-made take on the Choco Taco.
Vegetarian and vegan fans should aim for the Impossible Test Kitchen or 1st Ave Nachos; for a fuller selection of meatless dishes you’ll unfortunately need a Club or other premium ticket.
The refillable sodas offered the first two seasons have unfortunately been replaced with appallingly overpriced vending machines. They accept credit cards, spare limbs, and firstborn children. Smaller cans, plus the usual water, energy drinks, iced coffee, etc. are available in concession stand coolers. Non-alcoholic beer is also stocked at several locations.

After the Game

When the Kraken win, which they do a lot lately, stick around after the game for the Yeeting of the Fish. The top players will skate out with plush salmon, inspired by Pike Place Market, and fling them into the crowd for lucky recipients to take home. The salmon are constructed for accuracy, and the variety changes every year.
Nearby bus arrival times are posted on the large screen facing the First Avenue North exits so you know whether you need to saunter or run.
On the way home, check Twitter to find out who won the Davy Jones Hat.
Did the Kraken get a shutout? Congratulations, you’re now morally obligated to eat a donut the next day. (It’s a burdensome duty, but I believe you can do it.)

Yeet. Sleep. Repeat. Go Kraken.

✌️ BILLIE WINTER

A Town Without Heroes Crowns Its King

Brittney Bush Bollay — Tue, 15 Aug 2023 10:50:00 -0700

Long live King Félix. by Brittney Bush Bollay

I’ve never thought of Seattle as a town that does heroes. At best, we’re aloof; at worst, we’re sardonic and quick to turn. (Russell Wilson, anyone?) But every rule has an exception, and our exception is Félix Hernández.

King Félix. You’re probably familiar with the stats: 15 years with the Mariners, 2729 innings pitched, 2524 strikeouts, 169 wins, 25 complete games, one massive grand slam.

You probably know the story: scouted in his native Venezuela, signed at 16, began his career in Everett a year later. The MLB debut at 19. The Cy Young Award, the King’s Court, the perfect game. His 2019 farewell, when 10,000 fans in matching gold T-shirts sobbed in unison as he left the pitcher’s mound for the last time.

But the magical thing about Félix is how he became part of all of our stories, too.

Most sports fans in Seattle have an anecdote about where they were on August 15, 2012, the day Félix threw Major League Baseball’s 23rd-ever perfect game. Some listened breathlessly on the radio; some rushed to the ballpark when they realized what might be about to transpire; some gathered in groups of strangers and friends to crane their necks up at televisions in sweaty summer bars. I was at home on my couch with my husband, who I will forever tease about having a ticket to that game and choosing not to go. But the reason my husband stayed home was that I was literally, precisely nine months pregnant—and though my son took almost two more weeks to arrive, he knows that he was due on Perfect Game Day, and through this story, Félix also became part of our family lore.

A flag for Félix. Christian Parroco

Still, the question remains. Plenty of athletes have accomplished great feats here. Why does Seattle, so stingy with our affections, so averse to hero worship, love Félix the way we do? It’s hard to say for sure, but I’m inclined to think it’s simple: Félix loves us back.

Félix didn’t just play baseball in Seattle; he made himself a part of the community. He volunteered for the Humane Society and the Make-A-Wish Foundation. He visited children in local hospitals and was a spokesman for anti-bullying and anti-domestic violence campaigns. In a video shown Saturday night, Mariners clubhouse employees told how he helped with laundry and attended their weddings.

But his most special relationship of all was with the fans in left field, where his cheering section, the King’s Court, made their home. King’s Court and Félix had an almost symbiotic relationship, gathering together every five home starts to feed off of each other’s energy. Sitting in the Court was exhilarating and exhausting, the standing and the chanting and the cheering leaving you breathless, but Félix’s triumphant chest pounds and appreciative points in your direction made it all worthwhile. In his final moments as a Mariner, Félix famously climbed up onto the outfield wall and became one with his court, raising his hands in a pose of triumph as grateful and disbelieving fans surrounded him and held him up.

Ken Griffey Jr. takes the field for Félix Hernández's induction ceremony. CHRISTIAN PARROCO

A-Rod left. Ichiro got traded. But Félix stayed, for all 15 of his MLB seasons. As he raised the flag atop the Space Needle to kick off MLB All-Star Week earlier this summer, Félix referred to Seattle as his hometown. “All of the highlights I have in my career are here,” he told the media last Friday. “And what I have with the fans is something special… Every time I jumped on the mound, I’d just do more than a hundred percent. A thousand percent for them.”

Saturday night the Mariners honored that thousand percent, those thousands of innings, thousands of strikeouts, and those 15 years by making Félix the 11th member of the Mariners Hall of Fame. A charming 45-minute ceremony attended by Mariners front office brass, other Mariners Hall of Fame members, and surprise guest Adrián Beltré was capped off by Félix donning his starched navy Mariners Hall of Fame jacket and taking his place officially among Seattle legends. A literal formality, of course, but a touching one.

After all the pomp and circumstance, there was still a baseball game to play. And this one was a doozy. Rising Mariners ace George Kirby threw a stunning 9 innings of 3-hit, no run, no walk ball, coming in just shy of a Maddux at 103 pitches. Unfortunately, the Mariners, facing old enemy Cole Irvin, couldn’t score any runs in the first nine innings either, and so the game went to the tenth.

Because The Narrative must always be fed, pitching the last two innings for the Orioles was Félix Bautista, a terrifyingly effective 6’8” closer who Baltimore’s social media team have, to the furor of Mariners fans, been calling “The New King Félix.” It was hard not to feel a sad and eerie poetry when the Mariners failed to match Baltimore’s tenth-inning run and lost 1-0; not just because of Bautista, but because excellent Mariners pitching performances with no run support are known colloquially as “Félix games.” In fact, the last Mariners pitcher to throw nine or more innings and still see the team lose? Félix Hernández, on July 26, 2013.

Still, we mustn’t dwell, no not today, not on Félix Hernández day. The Mariners are doing fine. And this weekend a town without heroes got to celebrate a King.

Every person in this photo is crying probably. CHRISTIAN PARROCO

A few minutes after 6 pm on Saturday, as the angled sunlight striped the outfield grass, the bullpen doors opened and The King emerged in a cloud of celebratory smoke, “The Man” by Aloe Blacc played one more time and 45,000 fans in matching gold T-shirts sobbed in unison. It took less than 30 seconds before Félix was crying too. He watched from a literal throne as the video board played tribute videos from Mike Trout and Mitch Haniger, and as Mariners owner John Stanton recited all the awards and statistics that don’t tell the real story.Then our King approached the podium to a deafening chant of “K”s. His own speech was brief but from the heart, thanking “the amazing Seattle fans and the King’s Court. You are the greatest fans in the world. I love you guys.”

We love you too, Félix. Long live the King of Seattle.

View this post on Instagram
A post shared by The Stranger 🗞 (@thestrangerseattle)

Everything a Sports Fan Needs to Know About Visiting Seattle’s Stadiums

Brittney Bush Bollay — Wed, 05 Jul 2023 11:42:00 -0700

Visiting Seattle? Here's where to go. by Brittney Bush Bollay

With the release of the Kraken, the unlikely ascent of the Seahawks’ Geno Smith, the twin soccer powerhouses of Sounders FC and OL Reign, and the recent end of the Mariners’ 21-year playoff drought, it’s a great time to watch live sports in Seattle. Local fans are friendly and enthusiastic, and don’t generally mind a little small talk or answering a few questions to help a visitor out. And with six teams and three well-maintained stadiums to choose from, there’s a game to see most days of the year.

Note: All three stadiums have a clear bag policy. All welcome empty water bottles; T-Mobile and Lumen allow outside food.

Climate Pledge Arena

HOME TO: SEATTLE KRAKEN (NHL), SEATTLE STORM (WNBA)

This brand-new stadium built on the bones of Key Arena is a stunner and a great place to catch the 32nd NHL franchise, the Seattle Kraken, or four-time WNBA champions Seattle Storm. Nestled in the Seattle Center, it’s easy to access via bus or monorail, and it has a true wealth of pre- and post-game food and drink options nearby.

For Kraken games, head to the Seattle Center Armory 90 minutes before puck drop for a beer garden, sign making, face painting, and other activities. From there, it’s a three-minute walk to the arena. Adrenaline junkies should enter early to get a spot next to the glass for warmups, which start 30 minutes before game time. The Storm have fewer organized pre-game activities, but fans are fun and the vibes at the arena on game day are always good.

Food is pricey, but options are varied and lines move fast. Impossible offers vegetarian burgers, nuggets, and specials, or try quirkier options like the bacon pop rocks baked potato or PBJ corn dog. Beer is on tap throughout the arena, and you can grab-n-go canned wine, beer, or cocktails.

One warning: the men’s bathroom lines at Kraken games are LONG. Like really, really long.

T-Mobile Park

HOME TO: SEATTLE MARINERS (MLB)

Twenty-four years old but regularly updated, T-Mobile Park boasts wide concourses, plenty of standing-room options, and good views of the game from every level. On hot days, splurge on a Terrace Club ticket for access to air conditioning. On cool nights, bring a blanket.

There’s a dearth of good bar options near the park, but Hatback Bar & Grille across the street is a slick Mariners-owned space with decent pizza and local beers. For something divier, head two blocks south to Hooverville. In the stadium itself, standing-room-only area The Pen opens two hours before game time—30 minutes before the rest of the park—and offers happy hour beers until an hour before first pitch. Afterward, 20-ounce pours get expensive, but there are $5 and $6 canned options widely available.

Food options cover every style and price point, from $4 hot dogs to poké bowls to buzzy newcomer Moto Pizza. A newly expanded value menu makes it easier to keep kids (and adults!) snacking, with a dozen options for four dollars or less. There are two free-play areas; a playground on the main level for younger kids and batting cages on the 300 level over home plate. A free photo with the Mariner Moose makes a fun souvenir for all ages.

The light rail is the best option for travel, with Stadium Station a few blocks away, but if you need to drive you can pre-purchase parking in the Mariners garage across the street or browse for street parking on Utah Ave South. The garage also offers secure bike parking.

Lumen Field

HOME TO: SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (NFL), SEATTLE SOUNDERS FC (MLS), OL REIGN (NWSL)

Lumen Field keeps its turf and its rafters busy as the home to three successful sports franchises: three-time conference champion Seattle Seahawks, current NWSL shield winners OL Reign, and two-time MLS Cup winners and current CONCACAF Champions League winners Seattle Sounders FC. Perched on the edge of Pioneer Square, the stadium and the neighborhood have a lively game-day atmosphere no matter which team you’re seeing.

Sounders and Reign games are preceded by a march to the match, open to any and all who fall in along the way. The mood is pleasantly rowdy and the chants are easy to pick up. The Seahawks turn neighboring Lumen Field Events Center into “Touchdown City” before every game, hosting kid’s activities, discounted beer, and mascot appearances. The Pen at next-door T-Mobile Park also hosts a happy hour before Seahawks games.

Food in the stadium is limited during soccer matches, and it’s generally unexciting. A better bet is to grab something when you hop off the light rail (use the Chinatown station) or on Occidental Avenue before you enter. Buses also serve the nearby area well, though service is limited on Sundays. Cascade Bicycle offers bike valet services before many Sounders matches.

I Gave Myself Indigestion at T-Mobile Park So You Can, Too

Brittney Bush Bollay — Thu, 30 Mar 2023 10:10:00 -0700

Here are all the tasty things you can stress-eat during Mariners games this season. by Brittney Bush Bollay

Anything can be ballpark food if you try hard enough—or at least that seems to be the guiding ethos of the 2023 Mariners concessions program, previewed last week during a delightfully gluttonous media event at T-Mobile Park.

Before turning several dozen feral hungry journalists loose on a stylish buffet, Executive Chef Javier Rosa extolled the benefits of having a full and predictable offseason (i.e. free of owner shenanigans or major pandemics) to fine-tune menu ideas, and the result is a collection of food that seems inspired by both the whimsy of Ted Lasso and the innovative prowess of Seattle’s famous tech industry. A pizza is morphed into a hot dog shape; a quesadilla is engineered for maximum containment and minimum mess. Do you believe that pigs can fly? Barbecue pork “wings” show that the Mariners do.

As you watch our boys in blue work to earn a repeat of their historic trip to the postseason this summer, here’s what you can expect to stress-eat at T-Mobile Park:

Edgar's Cantina Crispy fish taquitos at Edgar's Cantina. Brittney Bush Bollay

Every season on Top Chef at least one contestant is on the receiving end of a lecture about how the most essential quality of handheld food is that it’s easy to hold in your hand, something the restaurants in the standing-room-only 'Pen haven’t always gotten right. I’m not saying Chef Javier spent the offseason binging food competition shows, but he has thoughtfully reimagined Edgar’s Cantina quesadilla with a burrito-style fold to reduce ingredient spillage. A colleague and I tested out the new fabrication with a high-tech method called “Walking while eating”; we found the brisket version held its insides better than the new shrimp option. Both were delicious, and the filling amounts were generous.

Also new in the Cantina are fish taquitos, which had a beautifully crispy-flaky crust and impressively moist cod. These would be a great alternative if you wanted something handheld but lighter than the brisket-dense quesadilla.

Walk-Off Market The Ham Swaggerty at the Walk-Off Market. Brittney Bush Bollay

The new Ballard Pizza “Cal Zone” was inevitable but uninspired; for better punny fare opt for the Ham Swaggerty Sandwich. It’s piled high with smoked ham and arugula and, like its namesake, has a little kick; it’s also messy enough that, like many a saucy Italian man, it tried to get in my bra. I let it slide because frankly, it’s both filling and delicious—and available at the Walk-Off Market, so you don’t even have to wait in line.

Holy Smoke BBQ

Pork wings? To a biologist, that’s preposterous—but if you’re at a Mariners game, the new delicately lollipopped pork rib “wings” are an excellent choice, challenging your idea of what ballpark food can be with a zippy barbeque sauce, pomegranate seeds, and a delicate shaving of jalapeño. They ARE sticky, so get extra napkins and maybe give them a pass if you’re trying to keep score.

Moto Pizza Moto Pizza, hot-dog shaped. Brittney Bush Bollay

Buzzy Detroit-inspired pizza joint Moto Pizza won’t debut at the park until May, but I hear that’s still a shorter than their months-long preorder process. For T-Mobile, they’ve galaxy-brained their pizza into a hot dog-inspired long rectangle, which both makes it easier to eat and gives you more of the crispy frico edges that are a large part of Moto’s appeal. The well-salted crust was soft but had enough gluten structure to hold up an abundance of toppings—the “Root” with local mushrooms was good, but I preferred the tangy and tropical mango chimichurri and banana ketchup twofer of Mr. Pig.

Scotty's Juice

Pouring in the ‘Pen and on the 300 level will be summery batch cocktails from local family-owned company Scotty’s Juice, including a fresh grapefruit paloma and strawberry or watermelon spiked lemonades. Hopefully, you’ll also be able to buy the juice, which tastes pleasantly healthy and light, unleaded for those not interested in imbibing.

Plus! Uncrustables and other Value Menu items. Brittney Bush Bollay

The Value Menu is expanding both the number of items and locations. Most notable is the favorite food of small children 🤝 stoners 🤝 Minor League Baseball players: Smucker’s Uncrustables, offered in both strawberry AND grape!
Salt & Straw are debuting two new flavors at T-Mobile Park; the Beecher’s Flagship with Apple Pie Cinnamon Rolls was light on the cheese and heavy on the sugar, but the vegan Marionberry Coconut Sherbet was an absolute revelation, creamy but light with a summery tang. Returning flavor Salted, Malted Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough is also an excellent choice.
🐔🐔💥 (pronounced “Chick Chick Boom”) claims to be “the first all-emoji food stand.” The chicken sandwich and waffle fries looked fine, but if they try to make me order in emojis I’m out.

How Yeet It Is

Brittney Bush Bollay — Thu, 09 Feb 2023 14:03:00 -0800

Everything you need to know about every Kraken player now that the team is winning. by Brittney Bush Bollay

The Seattle Kraken are SO hot right now. After a frustrating first season in 2021-22, the boys from the Puget Sound have burst from the depths of the NHL standings into first place in the Pacific Division, and are expected to earn their first playoff berth this year. Have they got their tentacles around you? Do you feel yourself being sucked in? Here’s what you need to know to join the squid squad.

Meet the Players Matty Beniers

Our golden boy, our first draft pick, our rookie goal leader, our former theater kid
Apparently, the only one who can threaten Morgan Geekie in Mario Kart
Was supposed to go to the All-Star Game this year but got hurt in late January by a questionable hit from Tyler Myers
I can’t legally threaten Tyler Myers here, but should someone happen to cook fish in his home microwave I wouldn’t be sad

André Burakovsky

Underappreciated on his old teams despite winning two Stanley Cups, he came here to be good at two things: smirking and scoring goals (and he’s nailing both)
The eyebrows are pretty great too, honestly
Daniel Sprong’s partner in mischief—catch them whispering during warm-ups

Oliver Bjorkstrand

Dresses like a tax accountant, so maybe that’s the job he really wants?
Fourth-most goals by a Danish player in NHL history
Streaky player but maybe getting hot
Former Portland Winterhawk, but we’ll forgive him

tolvy has found his aesthetic and we’re here for it ☕️ pic.twitter.com/q5TjSyu2l4
— Seattle Kraken (@SeattleKraken) January 29, 2023

Eeli Tolvanen

This man was drafted directly from a Wes Anderson movie and you can’t tell me otherwise
It seems to be working out pretty well for us, though—he has eight goals in his first 15 games with the Kraken
His name isn’t actually pronounced “Eel-y” but everyone posts eel gifs on Twitter when he scores

Ryan Donato

Ryan Donato is sweet, talented, hardworking, and earnest, and if the Kraken don’t make Seattle his forever home I’m going to march right down there and give them what for.

Daniel Sprong

Dutch and raised in Canada but somehow seems like he’s from New Jersey idk idk
Delightfully onomatopoeic last name means to “leap” or “pounce”
Voted “most likely to be on the naughty list” by his teammates for reasons he refuses to tell but I demand to know
TELL ME, DANIEL SPRONG

another media day another ghost sighting 👻👻👻 pic.twitter.com/My8Tdk6LZZ
— Seattle Kraken (@SeattleKraken) September 21, 2022

Brandon Tanev

You’ve seen this guy. He’s the one with the ghost face.
Wildly popular with the fans for his fast, physical play style and his excellent flow
31 but still gets the zoomies
Once made out with his best friend Adam Lowry in a food delivery commercial
Okay, maybe “made out” was overselling it a little. You still wanna watch.

Morgan Geekie

Is the best on the team at Mario Kart, or so he has loudly and repeatedly announced
You can’t out pizza the hut, but his Pizza Hut gold card is evidence he sure has tried
Easily won the “Hardest Shot” competition at the Kraken Skills Challenge even though he’s a skinny minnie because physics are weird
Please tell him it’s not a good idea to buy a tank

Adam Larsson

(I asked known Adam Larsson liker and former mayoral candidate Andrew Grant Houston to write this section.)

🥵

Jamie Oleksiak

Better known as most-decorated-Canadian-Olympian Penny Oleksiak’s big brother
Nicknamed Big Rig
And I do mean big, our man is 6’7”
Sometimes when players try to hit him, they just bounce, and that’s pretty funny
Check out his beautiful tattoos

Cale Fleury

NOT Marc-André Fleury
Also not Haydn Fleury
Apparently, there are a lot of Fleurys
Very cute, very smol

Will Borgen

6’3” and ostensibly 26 years old but I’d double-check his ID if I were you
They let him take care of Matty Beniers for some reason?
His teammates keep making fun of him for being bad at Mario Kart but that’s mean and they should cut it out
He’s a good billboard

View this post on Instagram
A post shared by Cheddar 🧀 (@cheddarthecheesecorgi)

Jared McCann

Known as “The Pastor” on Twitter
I actually have no idea if he’s really a pastor or not but it fits somehow
His corgi Cheddar has its own Instagram account
When he walks in all in black with that big hat on whewwwww dang 🔥

Jaden Schwartz

No social media. So MYSTERIOUS!
Wears #17 in memory of his sister Mandi, who played hockey at Yale
Literally helped save a teenager’s life by supporting bone marrow donation registries at Blues games
I watch this goal like once a week

Vince Dunn

Sweet face, no thoughts in head
Most likely to be confused by the mini-mic question
Also one of the most likely to score goals and assists and stuff so that’s cool
Likes to start trouble and then skate away and let someone else finish it

Alex Wennberg

He’s really pretty.

Jordan Eberle

Tooth gap >> thigh gap
90% quietly competent, 10% SportsCenter-Top-Ten goals
Likes Nickelback a little too much

View this post on Instagram
A post shared by Yanni Gourde (@yannigourde18)

Yanni Gourde

Number one chaos gremlin
5’9” of curly hair and mischief
You’ve never had as much fun as he does when he’s fighting
Met his wife in middle school math class
At home, he transforms into furniture-building Super Dad

Carson Soucy

The doctor is in, baby
In the penalty box, probably
Still, he’s got seven assists this year
Handsome. Knows it. Whatever, so do we.

Martin Jones

Signed to a one-year contract in the offseason to replace the suddenly injured Chris Driedger
Was expected to be the backup but decided to have his best season in five years?
Quiet. Private. North Vancouverian.

Philipp Grubauer

Nicknamed “The German Gentleman” and it fits both his dress and his demeanor
They’re not booing, they’re Gruuuuing
Formerly a Rockies fan, he’s been converted and is now known to hang out in the Pen during Mariners games
Wants to be a cowboy when he grows up
He’s colorblind!

View this post on Instagram
A post shared by Chris Driedger (@chrisdriedger)

Chris Driedger

Injured tending goal for Canada in the 2022 World Championship finals like a gosh darn HERO
Got bored while healing from that ACL tear and started a program to give kids free goalie gear
Looks enough like Philipp Grubauer at first glance that I’m forever hoping for Parent Trap-style goalie shenanigans
Always has the most 🔥🔥gear, including his new Kurt Cobain goalie mask

Buoy

The Kraken’s gender-ambiguous mascot who is both a literal and a figurative troll
Why does their hair smell so good?
Wanders the arena with a drum and an appetite for trouble
Seriously, watch out for mischief
Don’t look now but they’re probably right behind you

How to Get Kraken

Most Kraken games air on Root Sports, but if you’re able, hockey is really best experienced in person. The speed, the power, and the relentless pace are difficult to convey on television. Here’s your gameday guide to Climate Pledge Arena.

Before the game

Every Kraken ticket comes with a free transit pass, accessed through the Kraken app, that’s valid two hours before and after the game. Parking is expensive and postgame traffic is gnarly. Walk, bike, or transit if you can.
The Kraken host pregame activities in the Seattle Center Armory, including things like face painting, sign making, and photo ops. Food here is cheaper than in the arena, but the lines are much longer.
If you get to the game early you can watch warmups next to the glass. The Kraken come out to warm up about a half hour before game time, but arrive 10-15 minutes earlier than that if you want to get a good spot.

During the Game

The Kraken have a fun and elaborate preshow that you’ll want to be in your seat for, including beautiful video and an orchestral theme composed by Hans Zimmer himself.
Like several other local sports teams, the Kraken invite you to stand for the anthem if you’re “willing and able.” It’s unlikely you’ll get any flak if you don’t. The important part is that you yell “RED GLARE!” along with that lyric, a team-specific ritual that references the Kraken logo’s glowing red eye.
Not EVERYONE yells out player last names during goal announcements, a la Sounders games, but if it’s an ingrained habit you won’t be alone.
Lots of people like to dress up like pirates or cephalopods. LOTS of them. It’s pretty cool, actually. If you’ve ever wanted to give tentacles or a tricorn a go, now’s your chance.
There are tall nets at the goal ends and the glass is tall; you are almost certainly not going to be on the receiving end of a flying puck. But if you do, you get to keep it!
If you’re a person who uses the men’s bathroom, well, plan ahead.

Food & Drink

I’m going to be real: beer is expensive. Food is expensive. But the lines are fast and the variety is pretty good. I recommend the bacon pop rocks potato and the Impossible Nuggets; my verdict is still out on the peanut butter and jelly corndog.
Check out the Space Needle Lounge for cocktails and shorter bathroom lines in an upscale SRO setting.
Non-alcoholic options include refillable sodas downstairs and vending machines upstairs, plus the usual water, energy drinks, iced coffee, etc. in concession stand coolers. Athletic Brewing beer is available sporadically.

View this post on Instagram
A post shared by Seattle Kraken (@seattlekraken)

After the Game

When the Kraken win, which they do a lot lately, stick around after the game for the Yeeting of the Fish. The top players will skate out with plush salmon, inspired by Pike Place Market, and fling them into the crowd for lucky recipients to take home.
Nearby bus arrival times are posted on the large screen facing the First Avenue North exits so you know whether you need to saunter or run.
On the way home, check Twitter to find out who won the Davy Jones Hat.
Did the Kraken get a shutout? Congratulations, you’re now morally obligated to eat a donut the next day. (It’s a burdensome duty, but I believe you can do it.)

Yeet. Sleep. Repeat. Go Kraken.