Only real ones know about the King Conservation District (KCD) election. Which is a shame. It isn’t some dusty, obscure, do-nothing entity; the KCD has an operating budget of around $10 million, mined from a property tax just like everything else around here.

Like Captain Planet in the form of a bureaucratic entity, the KCD Board of Supervisors crunchily throws that money toward the earth and our bodies, working to improve water quality, soil health, the tree canopy and fire prevention. Unlike Captain Planet, they do not show up to work in a crop top, panties and knee-high boots. But they could if they wanted to—nobody is paying attention. 

That’s a bummer, because we get to choose them. And it could not be easier. It’s an online election. The KCD doesn’t love this. They’d prefer a paper ballot, but paper costs money. Who’s going to fork up the cash? You don’t even know who these people are. 

Thus, it is up to your local blogs to inform. And then you know, vote, and then blissfully forget the KCD for another four years. Repeat ad nauseum.

Except, this KCD election is slightly different. In 2024, the KCD, a five-member board in charge of the whole county, split itself into five districts to reduce costs and increase geographic diversity. 

So we vote for each position? Wrong, dumbass, we obviously only vote for three of them, the Washington State Conservation Commission appoints the other two. What part of reducing costs and increasing geographic diversity do you not understand?

This year, two of them are safe. Lucky voters in KCD District 3—Seattle, Vashon Island (they are allowed to vote, vaccination rates have improved), and parts of Tukwila and Renton—will choose their supervisor. Before you say “where is Stranger Election Control Board on this?”; “Who is going to think for me?”; or complain it is no longer the 1990s, the 2000s, or the 2010s, the SECB doesn’t endorse in this race. Speculate why in the comments below. 

Here are the candidate statements.

Vote. The election closes February 10.